he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
