i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
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