Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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