It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
