So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
