Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
