so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
