If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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