just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
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handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
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The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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