You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
