I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
