Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize