oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
