i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Randomize