something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
