I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
