the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
