This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
