idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
