I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
