Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
you inspire me to be a worse person
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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