she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
