I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
