If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
