take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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