His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
