I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
