I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
