i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
