It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
