he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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