The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
