Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
