The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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