Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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