would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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