I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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