I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
