Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
