man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
