I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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