Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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