At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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