I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
