she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
