I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
