I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The cops high fived after they tackled you
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
