Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
