im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
