Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
you made out with another girl for some wings
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
