it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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