I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
