He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
