my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
