forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
