I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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