Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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