can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
