And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
