never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
