I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
