Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My life is pants optional.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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