I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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