I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
