she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
