normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
