that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
