He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
