I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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