we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
