I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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