You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
