If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
