im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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