Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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