if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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