im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I need to stop coming to work sober
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Randomize
