I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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