My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
