4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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