I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
It's Friday. Sex?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
