you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
