i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
