Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
