you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize