Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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