Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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